We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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