i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
