Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
