five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
