I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
