So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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