she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
