at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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