I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
