weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
