YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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