Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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