Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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