Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
