you mean i was at the winter classic?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
