My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize