Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
