Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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