So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
