So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
