I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
