i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
