I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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