So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
