this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
