life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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