Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
