So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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