Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
