Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
