Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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