hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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