New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
