Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize