omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Randomize
