Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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