why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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