I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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