Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.

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  (202): Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up. http://tfl.nu/bgl4
  Replies (11) Good night (1485) Bad night (665)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.

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  (404): Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio. http://tfl.nu/i1ck
  Replies (8) Good night (2788) Bad night (1214)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.

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  (731): who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you. http://tfl.nu/e0pj
  Replies (39) Good night (5359) Bad night (2423)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time

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  (570): she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time http://tfl.nu/kzmt
  Replies (11) Good night (3515) Bad night (1223)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk

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  (781): just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk http://tfl.nu/vmmw
  Replies (14) Good night (3101) Bad night (2139)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.

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  (801): He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up. http://tfl.nu/2vsu
  Replies (4) Good night (3021) Bad night (1123)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.

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  (252): It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there. http://tfl.nu/94gv
  Replies (17) Good night (1258) Bad night (3526)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.

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  (570): You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash. http://tfl.nu/b0ts
  Replies (19) Good night (2237) Bad night (758)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.

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  (252): He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it. http://tfl.nu/4vqb
  Replies (9) Good night (1884) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.

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  (605): Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life. http://tfl.nu/vnig
  Replies (1) Good night (521) Bad night (1125)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.

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  (617): Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present. http://tfl.nu/s10t
  Replies (4) Good night (1701) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  What's the place called?

  (916): View more from California

  I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results

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  (916): What's the place called? (916): I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results http://tfl.nu/7h1g
  Replies (3) Good night (512) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I just need some dick and some jimmy johns

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  (206): I just need some dick and some jimmy johns http://tfl.nu/d6uv
  Replies (4) Good night (723) Bad night (340)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.

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  (219): I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro. http://tfl.nu/g8nj
  Replies (1) Good night (350) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.

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  (530): I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland. http://tfl.nu/s0xd
  Replies (1) Good night (739) Bad night (281)

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