Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.