You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
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I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.