as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
