well I can't set my house on fire every night
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible