I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.