Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My penis needs a shock collar
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
