Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
