On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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