Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
