I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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