Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Randomize
