when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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