he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
