i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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