Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
