it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
did you just send me my own nude
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
my liver is dry heaving
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
