Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
