I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My penis needs a shock collar
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
