You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
