Plan B is the new Plan A
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
