Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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