Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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