Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
how do you play pong handcuffed?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
