would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
