DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
