I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
