im having a threesome with these popsicles
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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