wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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