Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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