i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
