I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
4 words: hood of his car
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize