In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
