So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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