While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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