the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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