using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
