If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
