I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
