youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
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All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize