During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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