I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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