But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you had me at cake vodka
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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