We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here