He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science