I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
