I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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