Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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