I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
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Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
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Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs