OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
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It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
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I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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