its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
