12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
