You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
