There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
